I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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