Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
