Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
