sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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