We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
