i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
