What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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