I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
