i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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