Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
