Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
