Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
