he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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