I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can text with my tongue
I don't think brook has ever known best
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
