Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
