I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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