you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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