hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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