Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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