I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
