I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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