I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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