dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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