I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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