I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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