Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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