So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
