Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
