If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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