I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.