I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
