Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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