you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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