The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
