So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
