jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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