the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
