Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
