I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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