My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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