I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
