Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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