it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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