Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
