Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
