I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
