Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
