Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
