You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
