In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
