my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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