There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
