tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
