Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just pee around me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
