Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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