u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
