You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
