I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
