I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
