Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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