If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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