I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
