Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
