Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
