I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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