I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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